Monday, March 30, 2015

#TheCool X #DiaryofaBlogWhoreReviewEdition Special Edition: WrestleMania 31

My review of WrestleMania got so out of control that I had to spin it off in its own post. So read on if you wish to know how The One and Only saw Sports Entertainment's Grandest Spectacle through his own eyes!

Here we are once again. Staring agape in "awe" at the grandest stage of them all. So what exactly happened.

Cesaro/Kidd retained and Big Show won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal but it was on the pre-show and nobody actually watches that.

WrestleMania started off real proper like with with the 7-man Intercontinental Title Ladder Match and that was a damn good match. My boy Dean got done in...

and Ziggler & Barrett got shafted again. Daniel Bryan won so now he's 2 for 2 at winning titles at Mania. New streak?

Orton/Rollins was so damn good and even with Orton winning was Rollins looked damn awesome in a losing effort.

There was also the above. Damn good spot. Seth is the future! "Believe That!"

Sting/HHH was shenanigans and fuckery on the highest scale. The match was great all around with DX & the nWo getting involved and even HHH coming out like Terminator was kind of cool. The problem I have with all this is the revisionist history that was on display here and has been for years since the Monday Night Wars ended. It is true what they say, "History is dictated by those who win and those who lose are lucky to be a footnote in that history." The WWE can tell whatever version of the story they wish and who's going to honestly stop them from telling that version "THEN. NOW. FOREVER." I wonder what that story looks like in 20 or 30 years once WWE contorts it even further to their liking? Enjoyable match regardless of HHH winning for the sake of revisionist history.

Some people I don't give a damn about performed music and I took a well needed break after all the fuckery from the last match.

Paige/AJ Lee vs The Bella Twins was next up and it was all about Senran Kagura Burst because I played Senran Kagura Burst during the match. Nothing against any of these women but I don't watch matches where I'm not in some way invested in the feud in question.

I went back and watched the match after the fact and it was good and even better in the fact AJ Lee made Nikki Bella tap. #GiveDivasAChance

Rusev/Cena began like this...

and then ended the way you knew it inevitably would...


All I can ask is why? How does John Cena winning benefit anybody? It doesn't. The way the storyline played out is there was no way that he was losing but why didn't Swagger just beat him when they were wrestling every week for a nice long while? This does nothing for Cena and Rusev just lost all of his steam. I hope they can continue to book Rusev as a great heel because he still can be. I'll miss Lana's legs because damn DEM LEGS! Cena is once again your United States Champion. Wonder if he'll bring back the spinner US Title?

After this, Stephanie & HHH come out to stall for time and they both proceeded to use power shovels to bury the damn world and then The Rock came out because that's what Rocky do which somehow led to me now understanding that a 3-Way with me, Stephanie and Ronda Rousey is an acceptable way of leaving this plane of existence. Maybe this leads to more Ronda & the WWE doing things like you know it will. Just wait until SummerSlam. You'll see.

Wyatt/Taker needed to happen when it actually mattered because of what Bray could've done with ending the streak. Instead, Bray was just another victim of CENA WINS LOL last year. We also know that Brock or Heyman didn't really do anything with ending the streak other than the initial shock factor of it happening because looking at it now in retrospect is Brock could've still been booked as an attraction and all that other nonsense Vince thinks he wanted to do without Undertaker having to job last year. Also as I said last year is after that 2nd match with HHH is he should've retired and let the streak go with him.

Regardless of all of that it was good to see Taker go again and Bray did his thing as well in a losing effort.

We now come to our Main Event of Lesnar/Reigns! Let me take a second to show you visually how the world feels about Roman Reigns...

Well let me not say the world. More like a small and very loud minority. This is the same dude that this same small and very loud minority cheered for at the Royal Rumble in 2014 which started all of this in the first place. Making beds and lying in them.

Lesnar/Reigns was not a wrestling match but more of a 1 sided Brock destruction clinic that Reigns tried his best to laugh off, no-sell and even lost a tooth in the process. Reigns wasn't totally devoid of offense with a couple of Superman Punches and Spears during the midst of all this.

When we thought the reign of Reigns was about to begin an architect came from upon high and finished his masterpiece which led to this...


We knew it was going to happen at some point whether that was at Mania or the RAW After but this was inevitable one way or the other, This is perfect for a bunch of reasons. Seth's the champion. Roman isn't and that's great for him because we get the opportunity to see him chase Seth and win it. Brock didn't lose and still looks like a monster so again this begs the question of why Undertaker jobbed last year.

Damn great show and I enjoyed watching it! What will RAW be like tonight when the fallout at the RAW After Mania takes place? I'll have that for you next time we do what we do here.

Now back to your regularly scheduled installment of #TheCool already in progress.

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